I have to wonder...
I'm sitting there passively watching yet another Super Bowl unfold while I busy myself with more important things like watching paint dry or folding socks. It's a Sunday so this is the most exciting entertainment option available (which isn't saying much) and at least in this country it's something of a big deal to see the last football game of the season.
I could care less about who's winning, I'm here in the hope that perhaps I'll find some entertainment value in the halftime show or perhaps a few clever commercials that always crop up this time of year.
So let's take a look at the halftime show...
Unless you're a big fan of Beyonce's thighs in hot pants, a U2 cover band and an also ran pop star the halftime show was in a word, half-assed.
The performances forgettable, the manufactured message of unity obvious and the choreography on par with a bunch of pre-pubescent majorettes marching in a Thanksgiving Day parade.
Nothing memorable here. I don't even like Katy Perry's music but she knocked it out of the park last year. I can appreciate talent and effort even if I'm not a fan of the artist. Maturity allows for that. It also allows me to come up with brutally honest analogies. This year's halftime show looked like a hip-hop cheerleader review at a high school football game.
I won't even talk about the game. Who cares? The Broncos were celebrating victory with 10 minutes left on the clock for god's sake.
Take the NFC championship, put the Panthers in Cardinals uniforms and you pretty much have the same game. It was over in the first quarter. Ok, to be fair, at least the Panthers pretended to play a football game.
Don't even get me started on the commercials. Boring, lackluster and devoid of creativity. Toyota tried to convince America that bank robbery was best accomplished in a Prius. Anthony Hopkins was hocking free Tax software,
Christopher Walken was trying to convince you a dowdy Korean Sedan was a testosterone therapy replacement and Alec Baldwin was... I don't know what he was doing. He must have needed the cash.
No tear jerking Budweiser puppies, just Helen Mirren making you feel bad about yourself. And what the hell? Pokemon and PuppyMonkeyBaby?
I get the feeling this whole game and everything surrounding it was nothing more than a Peyton Manning retirement party. It was almost like they hired a bunch of people off of Craigslist to pull it off.
This is what you get when you outsource talent.
At least there was Colbert when it was over...