Yay it's my Birthday...

  

I'm with the dog...

I'm sorry if this sounds petty but today was my birthday and you know what...

It sucked ass...again.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not some ungrateful, petty, entitled brat.  I'm just sick of grasping at straws.

Birthdays always seem to suck for me.  At least over the past 15 years or so.

I usually end up spending them alone or working or doing some other crap I'd rather not be doing.

I rarely if ever get to spend them with the people I really want to.

There's a marked scarcity of "happy" in the birthday.  I'm starting to wonder if I used up my portion of all those good things in life.  If so, it wasn't much of a serving from what I've seen.

Excuse the language ( and I really don't care if you don't ) but I'm getting fucking tired of grasping at straws for happiness.  Digging through piles of metaphorical shit just to find the faintest glimmer of a ray of hope.

The worst part is nobody really knows just how unhappy I really am and how badly I need something big and wonderful to happen.

I work hard at it.  I don't expect miracles without a lot of effort but I'm starting to wonder if I'm just fooling myself.

I'm tired of making excuses and giving everyone and everything a pass for walking over me.  Seems it's always about someone else's happiness and fuck mine.

You want to know the worst part of it all?  I'm really only happy when I can share my  happiness with someone else.  

I'm not a great solo act...

The only answer if I dare to complain?

Oh well then...goodbye.

So fuck birthdays, don't bother me with them.  

I'm all about positivity but it seems it's not giving quite enough of a return lately and frankly I'm getting really tired of having to search for or worse spin shitty events in a positive way.

Want an example?  Here's a good one...

I just got on the hook for $2200 to fix my car's transmission.  I put down $750, financed another $750 at 24% and the balance with the tranny shop.

Then to top it all off I had to replace the water pump the day after I got it back home.

Now the positive spin is that I was able to get credit to let the repair happen and I had the ability and  the skills to fix the other issues with the car.

Thing is, that's basically polishing a turd right there.  I'm in more debt now, I was tired as hell at work the next day after working on the car the night before for 3 consecutive nights and I still can't trust the car.

Perspective is everything but getting deeper into the crap you're trying to climb out of just to survive is not my idea of happiness.

I'm not the type to be satisfied with just surviving and that's all I seem to do as of late and I'm fucking sick of it... 

We all need a big win every once in awhile and frankly it's been an uphill battle lately.

The saddest part of all of this?  That to me something big would probably appear very small to you.  

Something small can mean something very big and that means putting self-serving agendas aside.  

Maybe I'm no better.  I'm no altruist but I do try to give more than I take.

Do you? 

Is your internal balance sheet based on a capital investment of your bank balance or your soul? 

Happy Birthday indeed....I'd rather not be reminded of it. 

A little help here folks.  The sunshine well is running a bit low.  We can only hope to reap what we sow but somebody's made off with my crop it seems.

Rant over.  I'm sure I'll blow up some minor positive event to Super Bowl proportions in the near future.

Google: In Memoriam

Momofuku Ando 2015 doodle- Ramen Noodles inventor

Instant Ramen Noodles...

That's what the Thursday March 5th Goodle Doodle was all about...

Momofuku Ando, the inventor of instant ramen noodles would have been 105 that day.  He was the man that brought the world that sodium rich staple of frat boys, frugal office lunchtimes and the culinary challenged everywhere.

To celebrate such inventions in the same light as the Polio vaccine and the light bulb is a stretch to say the least.  Google may be scraping the bottom of the barrel for the subject of their doodles. 

Is Momfuku Ando as relevant as Madame Curie or Einstein? Probably not but he does share one trait that appears to be noteworthy at least as Google Doodles go.

He's dead...

So is Jane Austen who would have been 240 this upcoming December 10th.  Laura Ingalls Wilder would have been 148 on February 7th and Leonardo da Vinci who would have been 563 on April 14th.

Einsteins Birthday Doodle 2003

They all had their birthday's celebrated in a Google Doodle too.

I can't remember the last time, if ever, that a doodle celebrated someone that was still breathing.  A friend offered up a possible explanation.  In short, the dead are not likely to do anything embarrassing.

I mean, consider if Google had done a doodle for Bill Cosby.  Regardless of his guilt or innocence it would have certainly put them in an uncomfortable place.  Just think of how those poor folks over at the Golden Globes or the Bob Hope Humanitarian awards are feeling right now.

Pfft, stupid awards, serves them right... but I digress.

So they stick to holidays, socially responsible observations like International Women's day, significant events like invention of the barcode and the first episode of Sesame Street.

Wait, the Barcode?  I guess that explains the ramen noodles thing...

You probably already knew this but if you sign up for Google services they'll honor you with your own doodle on the Google search page on your birthday. 

I don't' know if I like that.  After all, it puts me in the company of a bunch of dead people and I don't party with corpses.