Perspective : The rubber meets the road: a practical example

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Perspective: Your reality is what you make it.

No long winded intros, the video literally speaks for itself....

The Holiday Heart

 

So it's the holiday season again.  You know the one with Santa Claus, Baby Jesus, Menorahs and a month of sales of the "Black" or "Cyber"  variety.

Such humble origins as a celebration of  the Winter Solstice to ward off the doldrums of the most dreary of seasons gave way to the very pinnacle of rampant consumerism and oh yeah, religion got thrown in there along the way.

History tells us that the Catholic Church specifically set the date for the first Christmas celebrations to coincide with the otherwise pagan celebration occurring on December 25th.  

Of course the Catholic Church denies it...😇

...and Bill Clinton did not have.....never mind...

It's a good sales technique: Make the pitch while people are drunk on the spirit, or "spirits," mix in some familiar pagan ritual and symbolism they can relate to and suddenly the pews are filled with the faithful.

Nothing wrong with that...

It's a classic sales tactic.  That's what Christmas has been from the very beginning.  At least so far as the Christmas we know.  Save the assertions of blasphemy.  Theologists, historians and astronomers alike have pretty much agreed that the divine birth likely occurred around late September.

So I suppose all those holiday decorations showing up in October aren't too early after all.   In fact they're a bit late!

Why bring all this up now?

Because it's about faith.  It's about believing in something greater than what's staring back at you in the mirror.  That's the lesson regardless of your choice in divine text.  

Without faith there is no peace.  Faith in God, faith in our better angels, faith in each other to do what is right and good.

Couch it n religion if you must but only so far as it serves the greater purpose.  That being making this life, this world better for us having been here.  What we do and who we are right now is the core of all spiritual belief.  Whether we believe in divine reward at the end of this life or that this life is reward in itself we are encouraged to bring light into the world.  

Each day is an opportunity to create something beautiful and this time of year makes it all the more possible.

That's what I feel.  It's something that stays with me.  It lets me appreciate the Holiday Heart as I call it.

It's a feeling of unity, hope and yes "faith."   I make no claim as to what or if there is any divine inspiration for it.  Faith has more to do with who we are than who we may or may not pray to.  Whether we find it though rampant consumerism or religious conviction there's still a need that's satisfied.  A desire to bring and receive joy.

Be open to it. 

Tap into it.

Share it.  

It's an energy of positivity.  An elevation to a higher state above the petty concerns of all those things that ultimately have no value.

Value lies in the good we can put into the world.  It lies in being that which we hope to find.  

As you take in the sights and sounds of the season take a moment to feel the Holiday Heart.  See the light beyond the dazzling light displays.  Feel the music beyond the sacred hymns.  

Allow the energy to flow and the love to grow within you. 

That's the Holiday Heart.

Merry Christmas!
Happy Hanukah!

...and joy to whatever may move you this special time of year!  (regardless of who came up with the date  🎄🎄🎄 )

Here's what I'm NOT doing

I'll reiterate this once more.  

These posts are points in time.  That doesn't change the meaning or the truth in them but every day brings new thoughts, new decisions and new clarity.

So here's another entry into the journal.

I'm aware of the sadness and disappointment in my life.  I'm in touch with it, I own it, I understand it.  That I react so strongly doesn't mean I've given up, that I'm going to stop trying, that I believe things will always be this way.

Perspective is important but sometimes the lens is clouded and I end up groping around in the dark.  During those times all I can do is try to understand where all this crap is coming from.  I don't deny my feelings, that's just lying to yourself.

Lying never sits well with me: made worse when I'm forced into a lie of omission.  When things are left unsaid because airing them exposes dark places in others that they don't want to own.  When feelings are bottled up and shoved down.  To lie to myself about what I know and feel to keep the peace.

The question is:  Is it a peace worth keeping?

Is it worth shackling your soul just for the hope that "If I just wait it out" things will get better?  Will someday bring freedom?

Someday is now kids...

If you feel like you have to deny your own intuition, your own deepest held beliefs just to be accepted then I submit that whatever you're seeking approval from isn't the right place for you to be.

We all must suffer to learn.  That is the human condition.  Remaining in suffering, however, is not.

I express what I feel and eventually I can release it.

I can have bitter disagreements with people but I know that it's a temporary state.  I will always extend a hand and open my heart if the will is there.  

That doesn't mean I'm OK with being taken advantage of but being human I know that I don't always do the right thing and sometimes my decisions aren't based on my better angels.

We all do that.  

What I will NOT do is allow myself to be defined by someone else's prejudice, bias or intolerance.

I will NOT sacrifice myself for anyone who isn't willing to do the same.

I've got a lot to offer, there's nothing wrong with me and I'm capable of great things.

...and I know...

Those that choose to deny the pettiness of a societal premise that says we are more different than the same.  That look beyond this tiny spec of time and see the larger canvas.  That refuse to let fear, indoctrination and ignorance rule them.

Those are my friends.  Those are my people.  

And even if I must walk my path alone, I believe that if that is the core of my being....

I can't be that unique in the world.

I will NOT let anyone take that from me.  I don't claim that I'm always right, that I'm perfect or that I alone have the answer.  

I just won't allow anyone to project on me that which they refuse to deal with in their own heart.

It's up to you to NOT be lazy and listen to what you know to be right instead of what you THINK to be right.  

Love doesn't require thinking.  It just is....or it isn't.

I will NOT make it more complicated than that.

What will you do? 

C'mon...I dare you.

I dare you to reach beyond the grand facade of expectation, entitlement and fated outcomes.

I dare you to be more.

I dare you...

Yay it's my Birthday...

  

I'm with the dog...

I'm sorry if this sounds petty but today was my birthday and you know what...

It sucked ass...again.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not some ungrateful, petty, entitled brat.  I'm just sick of grasping at straws.

Birthdays always seem to suck for me.  At least over the past 15 years or so.

I usually end up spending them alone or working or doing some other crap I'd rather not be doing.

I rarely if ever get to spend them with the people I really want to.

There's a marked scarcity of "happy" in the birthday.  I'm starting to wonder if I used up my portion of all those good things in life.  If so, it wasn't much of a serving from what I've seen.

Excuse the language ( and I really don't care if you don't ) but I'm getting fucking tired of grasping at straws for happiness.  Digging through piles of metaphorical shit just to find the faintest glimmer of a ray of hope.

The worst part is nobody really knows just how unhappy I really am and how badly I need something big and wonderful to happen.

I work hard at it.  I don't expect miracles without a lot of effort but I'm starting to wonder if I'm just fooling myself.

I'm tired of making excuses and giving everyone and everything a pass for walking over me.  Seems it's always about someone else's happiness and fuck mine.

You want to know the worst part of it all?  I'm really only happy when I can share my  happiness with someone else.  

I'm not a great solo act...

The only answer if I dare to complain?

Oh well then...goodbye.

So fuck birthdays, don't bother me with them.  

I'm all about positivity but it seems it's not giving quite enough of a return lately and frankly I'm getting really tired of having to search for or worse spin shitty events in a positive way.

Want an example?  Here's a good one...

I just got on the hook for $2200 to fix my car's transmission.  I put down $750, financed another $750 at 24% and the balance with the tranny shop.

Then to top it all off I had to replace the water pump the day after I got it back home.

Now the positive spin is that I was able to get credit to let the repair happen and I had the ability and  the skills to fix the other issues with the car.

Thing is, that's basically polishing a turd right there.  I'm in more debt now, I was tired as hell at work the next day after working on the car the night before for 3 consecutive nights and I still can't trust the car.

Perspective is everything but getting deeper into the crap you're trying to climb out of just to survive is not my idea of happiness.

I'm not the type to be satisfied with just surviving and that's all I seem to do as of late and I'm fucking sick of it... 

We all need a big win every once in awhile and frankly it's been an uphill battle lately.

The saddest part of all of this?  That to me something big would probably appear very small to you.  

Something small can mean something very big and that means putting self-serving agendas aside.  

Maybe I'm no better.  I'm no altruist but I do try to give more than I take.

Do you? 

Is your internal balance sheet based on a capital investment of your bank balance or your soul? 

Happy Birthday indeed....I'd rather not be reminded of it. 

A little help here folks.  The sunshine well is running a bit low.  We can only hope to reap what we sow but somebody's made off with my crop it seems.

Rant over.  I'm sure I'll blow up some minor positive event to Super Bowl proportions in the near future.

Destination Unknown

  

Destination Unknown...

More fun that way.  I'm not looking for answers or worried about long term plans.  I almost killed my present by letting my past dictate the future.

I was none the wiser...

Take the step and just let the journey unfold.

Things have been strange the past few days having shook up what was my version of normal.  Not that I was that happy with it.  Not that what I've been doing the past few years was that fulfilling.

The more we try to isolate ourselves the more we fail.

I know this...I know nothing about a lot of things and slowly rediscovering that which I'd thought I'd never learned.

Is the Formula fixed? 

No, still on the side of the garage.  Still gonna cost a mint to fix.

Did I get a raise? A cool new job?

Nope, just an opportunity to practice what I preach and I'm glad I could be true to it.

So...

Is anything exactly as I wanted it? No...

But I see evidence of the divine in the way things have unfolded lately.

Credit where its due.  Thank you

I'm finding more reward in loosening the reigns a bit.   The desire is the same but the path is its own concern.  

Let the destination remain unknown.  The journey teaches.  I've been on this path for awhile now I just strayed off it for a bit.

Tomorrow is its own.  

Destination unknown.

Positivity and Survival

"It isn't about being driven it's about survival!"

"I didn't do it because I was brave, I had another reason..."

There's pain in those words.  They came in reaction to something I'd said to them that at the time I thought was supportive.



I recognized instantly the use of the word "survival" in this context coming from a place of frustration, anger and fear.  

This is an example of the power of perspective.

As the unwitting observer I ran headlong into the clash of perspectives.  Light and Dark were never so clear as those moments on the phone.

We choose our perspective and life unfolds accordingly.  We see only that which we allow through its lens.

Let's do a little word play.  

Let's take: "It isn't about being driven it's about sruvival!"

and change a few words around:

"It isn't about survival it's about being driven"



All we did was swap the positions of 2 words and the whole perspective changes from fear and uncertainty to determination. 



Which one does the better job of achieving your goals?

Fear motivates nothing but itself.  



Now I 'll admit that this person and I often have issues with miscommunication.  My words of affirmation likely were interpreted as condescending.  I will admit that a very long text clarifying my meaning followed.



One that was likely more reactionary than it should have been but hey, I'm not perfect and the positive affirmation needed a bit stiffer hand than flowery prose could muster.

It's an issue that stems from the same perspective that prefers the word "survival" to "driven."



Surviving isn't about living.  It's about trying not to die and while we all go through it the goal is not to get stuck there.  

Yes, the world is full of people that would take advantage of your good nature.  If, however,  your perspective is focused on those things that support instead of threaten your goals you find life gets a lot more manageable.

Remember that positivity isn't about being a happy idiot.  Yes, bad things happen but we can choose not to build our lives around them.  



I've said it before, We're prisoners of our experience.  But only so long as we choose to be.  Wisdom comes from adversity but adversity doesn't have to be a lifestyle.

The wise man uses his gifts to make his world instead of letting the world make him.  

Yeah, yeah, yeah...Flowery words, total BS, easy for you to say.

You know what, you're right.  It is easy for me to say but only because I choose a perspective that allows me to move forward.  



I'm not rich, famous or on anybody's radar but I appreciate the gifts that were given to me and try to share them to make my world a better place.  Bad things happen to me all the time but I choose not to dwell in them.  

What's the point of surviving if all you'll ever be is miserable?



My world is a better place, by the way.   Better because my interactions with others are based on an honest desire to make their experiences more positive.  It's sincere, it's contagious and hey if I may be so self-indulgent, it makes my life a lot easier.  

You can't see the sunrise if you're running in the opposite direction.  

And no, I'm not a morning person but I've learned to love finding the light.

At work I often joke that I'm going to go out on the floor and "spread some sunshine."  It's sounds stupid but it's my actual intention.

Positive begets positive and I've seen it not just in myself but in others.  It's not just about making people feel good it's about creating an environment that encourages a positive perspective.



How we see the world and ourselves has a direct effect on the opportunities that open up to us.  



So when someone says...

 "I didn't do it because I was brave, I had another reason..."

I hear an irrelevant statement.  Without divulging any secrets I can tell you that regardless of the reason there's no denying the action was indeed brave regardless of the motivation behind it. 

They say actions speak louder than words and it's the action that matters.  Perspective frames it to either enrich us or steal our power.

Remember that the next time someone gives you a sincere compliment.  They're just trying to prime the positivity pump.

Let them.

 
 
 

  

I'm still positive....

Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

From The Rainy Day by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Longfellow takes you to the last verse before any glimmer of hope appears in Rainy Day.  Every verse prior paints a dreary scene.

But that last verse, Oh that last verse!  



The power in it, the power of the poem itself lies not in the soggy resignation to the hopeless but rather the impending emergence from it.

This goes to the core of positivity.  The realization that the world is always seen through your own perspective.  You choose whether the clouds obscure the sun.  You choose whether the rain brings life or drowns your soul.

The light always shines even if shrouded by your darkest hours.  Whether you choose to see it is a different matter.

Look to the skies on a clear night.  



What do you see? 

A thick black veil of nothingness or an intricate tapestry of a million shining jewels dancing in the heavens.

Your attitude is meaningless to the stars.  They exist in spite of your attention.  Their light is always there even if they aren't always easy to see.



So it is with positivity.   You control your perspective.  

Too often we're blind to the light when the darkness is too familiar.  We hope and dream of a better life but frame it in the perspective of what keeps us from it.



Mistrust, doubt, fear, uncertainty draw us into nothingness like a black hole devouring the light.  



But the light will not be denied.



A smile emerges from tears.  Hope from defeat.  Understanding from uncertainty.  Love displaces doubt.



So long as we're willing to give at least as much credence to the positive as we so easily give to its opposite we can find our light in the darkness.

 

 

 

Steps.

There is in everything an ebb and flow

A time to embrace and a time to let go

A day remembered, a dream past 

Ripples in time, pebbles long since cast

The waters calm now gently kissing the shore

A path revealed, one step a thousand, one touch a million more

The steps important not the path we tread

We write our own journeys in no other's stead

Moved by the music of a soul in tune

We dance to the rhythms as our hearts do swoon

At peace with gifts found both bitter and sweet

At one with your heart and those we chance meet

 

Expectations: Love, positivity and otherwise

 

I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately and that's a bad thing because, well, I'm really bad at them.

Not bad in sense of being selfish or abusive.

Rather, I tend to be as my 8th grade English teacher once said to me...."Hyper analytical."

Before you run off to Google it, that just means I think too much...about everything.

Seems nothing happens in my life without at least some measure of the consequences being considered first.  

At length...

The same can be said for a lot of  people but I tend to take it to another level.  Hence...Hyper analytical.

It's served me well for all those things where there was a "safer" option but relationships are all about risk and reward.

So let me put this out there right up front.  The Internet is a HORRIBLE place to find answers to your relationship questions.  Want to ruin a good thing?  Listen to some idiot try to tell you what you're feeling.  

"The first kiss should happen by the second date..."

"Sex should happen by the 5th date..."

"If she doesn't want to hold your hand it means she's not into you..."

Bull...

Love isn't an Amazon Prime purchase.  There are no customer reviews or 5 star rating systems.  Well, there are but they're worthless.

The heart wants what it wants but I can tell you from experience that the heart is, to be blunt, stupid.  This is why we have brains.  The problem is the two are mortal enemies.  Where the heart may be warm and accepting the brain is cold, analytical and far more subject to the influence of the sin of "idle hands."

Leave things unsaid long enough and those "idle hands" get busy.

The best relationship advice is to forget about expectations.  Especially those born from uncertainty.

If you look for answers everywhere BUT the person who actually has them you're doomed.


I've written about the dangers of relying on absolutes before and when it comes to relationships it seems they're everywhere.  Look for definitive answers to questions about love and you get 1000 opinions.  All of them framed as a golden truth but as worthless as cow patties.

OK, here's the wave thing again...

Remember we can only control our own actions, our own thoughts and our own judgement.  The more we ride the waves the more we learn that no two are ever the same.  Any expectations beyond "wet" and "movement" are unreliable.

Be open to what's happening in the relationship good or bad but keep your expectations out of it.

I can tell you from experience that the worst heartbreak comes not from what you think someone did to you but rather a personal expectation they couldn't and/or didn't want to live up to.  
  
That's the issue with expectations; they aren't reality, they're just unspoken demands.  Anything unspoken eventually leads to trouble down the line.  Besides, DEMANDS don't make for great relationships.

I have a close friend that I absolutely HATE going to restaurants with.  The reason is that he's never happy with his order.    An example comes to mind. 

My friend often orders salads.  Now it's not unusual that they just might include a tomato or two.   

Thing is, he hates tomatoes with a passion but when he orders he  never says anything to the waiter about his disdain for all things tomato.  So the salad comes with the offending red veggie (Supreme Court says it's not a fruit BTW) and spends the rest of the meal grumbling about how they should have known he didn't want tomatoes.  

 It's happened so often that now I won't go anywhere with him that doesn't require you to tell someone behind a sneeze guard exactly what you want.  

Subway restaurants come to mind...

Just like my finicky eating friend you never get what you want when you make unilateral judgments.   

Admittedly, that's hard to do at times.  

Gosh, wouldn't it be just wonderful if if all our relationships were like an 80's John Hughes film.  A couple of awkward meetings, love and/or friendship develops and gets tested just before the ultimate resolution rising to a crescendo complete with happy ending all in the space of a couple of hours.

Yeah, it don't work that way.

BUT!

It's easier if you're riding the wave instead of trying to dictate its direction.  Love the moment, breathe in the atmosphere and enjoy the ride.  

Just don't forget to keep your eyes open.

We get into the most trouble when we get lost in our own expectations and make blind assumptions.

Be you, be real and be open...