Free association...Moving in Stereo

Moving in Stereo, who needs 5.1

"So easy to blow up your problems, so easy to play up your breakdown..."

Too much drama, desensitized, deaf, only about you... 

Who cares what I feel right?

I need to quit thinking I can help people that don't want to be helped....

I need to stop falling for people who don't give a damn...

I need to learn to be a better sociopath.  They seem to succeed in everything in this fucked up world.

Nah, too much conscience for that...

Sounds, colors, thoughts, emotions, a dirty canvas.   Throw it out.

Too much in my heart, keeps stirring the soul.  Dumbass...

Shattered, not quite but the cracks are obvious.

Always the same, always sad songs.

A curse of knowing.  An endless loop of....what?

Did I ever tell you?  

I knew she'd leave me.  When I asked for her hand her dad said to me, " don't break her heart" 

I said, " Don't worry, she'll probably break mine "

God, I knew then...

Another Her... 

My fault, her fault, nobody's fault.

It's just...

Things uncovered long buried. I never dealt with them I just ignored them and 20 years later made the same choices.

Mom's fault, Dad's fault..Who is he again?  Who fucking cares.

Only reprieve, I make others happy.

Without that...

Best not to dwell.  

Tired of the same hamster wheel...

No worries, but no I don't care if you think I'm nuts.  How perfect is your life?

Do you dare look closer?

Your own lie to bear.

At least I admit to mine.

Too many "hers" I've waited on.

One blessing makes all this pass.

The other shoe has dropped.and I'm still here.

No so bad after all...

Stronger than I thought.

Too bad only I know it...

Whatever...

"All mixed up..."Don't care, not my problem...

"Leave it to me..." 

Yeah, that's the problem.  

Never EVER leave it to someone else.

Hey God, could we stop this now?

A lottery win or something would be nice...

Dumbass...

Me, not God 


Somebody would be offended...


Let's stay away from the whole God thing...


"She never does arrive" 


So I'll stop waiting...

Stupid games, too old for this crap...


Rah..

Heart be still

 

Heart be still

Trouble me no more

your nagging insistence

ever drags me to the fore

I've had enough

of this thing called love

I've had enough

of fools folly in search of

I've felt this before

so long it has been

once more into my life

to wreak havoc again

For years I was content

to deny love's caress

For years so fortunate

that for me none did fluoresce

A year ago we met

I felt the flame

But hesitant in my action

I feared the game

Then joy when I saw her

as again she came through the door

heart beaming, mind racing

a love rekindled once more

Finding my courage

I invited her out

she accepted, I dumbfounded

but fear was I without

I thought she felt the same

or so I thought

But always that nagging

was it all for naught?

For me the flame lit early

for her it was not so

she was not ready

For what my heart would bestow

Did I surmise

in the knowing of my pain

that pursuing this one

was a fools errand in vain?

For she was not ready

my feelings unrestrained

Loving eyes from me

would only cause both pain?

Pain for both

sadly it is so

love unrequited

A feeling hated 

yet so well I know

I go down this road no longer

my solitude I must reclaim

Not her fault not mine

simply victims of the game

She might have met me

if the past didn't hold her so

a pain in her so deeply felt

she could never forego

She told me of loves before

of dreams lost in the fray

How solitude she now sought

while she pushed me away

Maybe in the future she said

a chance the flame

but for now it was no

she would coldly abstain

But love in my eyes I could never hide

friendship would always strain

Expectation, desire

in me rising again

  The flame will burn, that won't change

but the pain of it will subside

My life now familiar yet strange

another love has died.

I thought we'd conquer worlds 

But from WE must I now refrain

Once more I seek to master them alone

and From love I will abstain.

Steps.

There is in everything an ebb and flow

A time to embrace and a time to let go

A day remembered, a dream past 

Ripples in time, pebbles long since cast

The waters calm now gently kissing the shore

A path revealed, one step a thousand, one touch a million more

The steps important not the path we tread

We write our own journeys in no other's stead

Moved by the music of a soul in tune

We dance to the rhythms as our hearts do swoon

At peace with gifts found both bitter and sweet

At one with your heart and those we chance meet

 

Randomized and Uncategorized....This blog

I'm not sure if anyone really cares about blogging anymore. 

Our lives are so exposed and so EASY to expose with far less effort these days that it's hardly worth the effort.

I mean yeah, there's no shortage of "CEO corner" examples but that's just marketing fluff to appease shareholders.

It's rare that I see anything genuine simply because so few care about the medium.

Which is one of the reasons I started this blog.  I was fairly certain nobody would read it which lets it live in a kind of limbo of being "online" but still largely anonymous.  That also removes the barriers to my content that come from trying to please an audience.

Take it for what it's worth and I have to admit sometimes it's absolutely worthless.

But there are those times when something magical happens.  Brief interludes where thoughts, ideas and emotions flow freely culminating in something that gives me pause.

And I wrote it!

If you want to know the purpose it's quite simple really...

It's a collection of points in time, a sounding board and sometimes just a writing exercise.  Most of the time there's no grand plan, no agenda, no motive.

In fact it's much like the classic personal diary except I rarely expose the personal except to illustrate a concept I may be trying to get across.

I've actually had readers contact me expressing concern over certain posts that may seem indicative of some kind of internal strife. 

Trust me, nothing is further from reality. You're just getting a window into my process of purging those things that are better not internalized.

That kind of thing is at odds, however, with something that's always worried me.  That is, being misunderstood and sending the wrong message.

There are times when words can't express what's in my head no matter how hard I try.  Thoughts and emotions, joy, sorrow, befuddlement and amusement. 

Some things are meant to be expressed in other ways...

Of course that's not the sole purpose of this blog.  Writing exercises, commentary on popular culture and even my own brand of philosophy are found here.

A grab bag of disjointed topics collected together in one grand mess. 

So love it, hate it or ponder it just know that I'm probably doing the same after I hit that "publish" button.

Thank You! (100K views)

Thank You!

We just broke 100,000 views of this blog.  Yes, it took 5 years to do it, yes, most sites get that in a day but to me it's a major milestone so THANK YOU!

Your support is the catalyst to continue and I intend to.

So whether it's popular culture, TWIT or anything else I cover know that if it's worth writing about I'll be sure to post it here.

Tell you friends!  Looking forward to the next 100,000 views!

A tortured hour

It's 3:34 AM....

The house is dark but then the house is always dark to me even in the middle of the day.

It's hot, too hot.  The thermometer says it's 88 degrees outside but in here it's closer to 100.  Why? I can't afford to turn the AC on.  Such luxuries are for other people.

Madness! a Phoenix summer where the weatherman cheerily announces weeks of 110 degree plus days. No escape, no money for a reprieve from the heat.  No comforts...

Things haven't been so good.  The refrigerator's almost  always empty and what little is there provides meager nourishment for body or soul.  Everything around me seems somehow broken.  Things that should have long since been discarded forced past their prime, patched together and pressed back to service until they can finally give no more.

Broken...

For five years it's been a tough row to hoe.  It's never been easy but this time it's harder.  I know, it's been that way for many but I'm most familiar with my own tribulations.  

Excuse the pain if you've heard it before...

It's the kind of thing that makes you hate television, especially the commercials.  Constant nagging about things nobody really cares about all with the promise of taking your woes away...for a price.

A price I can no longer afford which makes me hate them even more.  It's like being mocked, the proverbial carrot inevitably followed by the stick.  I don't hate them for selling their wares; I hate them for the assumption that I don't know any better.

Buy this car and save money on gas, Enroll in that diploma mill and have a brighter future.  Neither is true and I've got close to 100K of debt to prove it with nothing to show but the collection letters.  The worst part, they sell a lifestyle with expensive trappings but little meaning.

When did becoming a member of the middle class become a lifelong aspiration?  When did simple civilized survival become a goal?

It's 3:44 AM...

Something's rattling on the car, I know what it is, I know every sound it can make but all I can do is hope that it remains little more than an audible annoyance...

Comfort is a luxury.  There is no peace in my surroundings or my soul. 

Middle aged, underestimated, dismissed, hopeless but still defiant!

Pull myself up by the bootstraps!  But I have no boots...

Never cared for that analogy anyway.  It's a fallacy perpetrated by those who never knew the predicament.

Opportunity is made not found but opportunity doesn't happen in a vacuum but lately it seems I do.

Whose fault?  Mine I suppose.  But then far more worthy than I have a similar tale.  We can't all be wrong.

What can I do?  For myself, I'll try anything that doesn't risk the little that remains.  Is it enough?

Time will tell, but do I have the time? 

It's 4:00AM

Do something, do anything.  Unbridled ambition thwarted by petty finances.  Do I believe in myself? Am I all that I thought I once was?

Not a high bar, humility or more appropriately the edge of self-loathing has always been a companion.  Ego and hubris have no place.  But neither did confidence.  I rarely win so I refuse the gamble.

This isn't the life I planned or should I say any of the lives I've planned.  I've started over so many times but always end up in the same place. 

Here...

Keep trying, keep striving all the time fearful of losing the little bit I have left even if I hate the prison it creates.

Do I have time to try again?

It's 4:16AM

Damn! it's hot in here.  The winters are better but I still can't afford the heat.  I sit in the remains of my chair, it too is broken, drenched in my own filthy perspiration the only comfort being the memory of it that will come when I can see my breath waking on some January morning.

Not defeated, not giving up but lost.

How do I move forward?  What's the key? 

4:23 AM

Recruiters, agencies, headhunters.  Hardly better than TV commercials.  Promises not kept, selling a bill of goods only for their own ends.  The product doesn't match the consumer, no sale.

Still I try, find the needle, ignore the haystack...

My own pursuits?  On virtue success, on paper, failure. 

I never wanted to do anything that didn't matter to someone.  It seems that's a dying...virtue.

It's 4:24 AM

Everything still seems broken.  I look around me and see so much that could be done.  I want to fix it, I want to fix me...

I'm not in a vacuum. Others suffer for my affliction.  I want to fix that too.

Keep trying, keep looking, deny the doubt...

Fix it...

It's 4:34AM

The value of the written word or are you smarter than an 8th grader?

Lately I've become aware of two schools of thought on blogging.  One says it's just an overblown diary of regurgitated diatribe while the other holds it up as the purest form of writing.  Funny thing is, there's merit in both opinions determined entirely by whose stuff you happen to be reading.

The question I have to ask myself is:  Does the value of the work depend on popular opinion or the actual quality of the content? 

Take the example of a textbook.  It can be invaluable in teaching you a new skill but you can be certain it will never make it to anyone's bestseller's list.  On the other hand, the most popular book in the world still happens to be the Bible.  The value of which is debatable depending on whether you think it should be shelved in Fiction or Non-Fiction.  I'm not touching that one...

The point is, nobody ever raved about their favorite textbook.  It's full of cold, boring facts arranged in the most uninteresting and tedious manner possible.  No fun. 

If you're a Boomer whose outgrown Harlequin Romance novels, however, "50 shades of grey" is on par with Hemingway. 

It's said that a good writer writes to their audience, nothing more, nothing less.  To do otherwise dooms you to perpetual anonymity.  So it's not enough to "know thyself", we have to know everybody else too. 

Considering the literary company "50 Shades of Grey" keeps, it's unlikely to end up on anyone's list of great classical literature.  E.L. James, however, knew her audience and has found great success because of it.

But does 65 million copies sold worldwide make her work any more relevant than the heartfelt musings found in a blog about the daily struggles of single mom?   What about the cancer researcher whose passion to find a cure finds an outlet in her blog?  Is this work any less deserving of attention because it doesn't cater to our lowest selves?

I found an article recently about a formula used to determine the grade equivalency level of your writing.  It's said anything above the 8th grade reading level is difficult for most people to understand.  Think about what you were reading in 8th grade and the landscape looks pretty bleak.  It's suggested to "write down" to your readers. 

So far, according to the formula, this article's written at a 9th grade level by the way. 

I think that's the wrong direction.  It's offensive to me that instead of striving to improve our comprehension we're encouraged to "dumb down" our content.   If it's true that knowledge is power then we should be actively pursuing it not waiting for someone to package it for us.

And you know, sometimes, that's not fun...

Reality check, NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS FUN!

It's the pursuit of our better selves that provides the greatest reward.  I'm not looking to talk down to anyone, I just want to be able have an intelligent conversation.  That anyone would suggest that you're not entitled to be any smarter than the average 8th grader should be revolting to you.  Yet that's exactly the message we're assaulted with every day.

We're a society that's become dependent on devices without any concept of how they work.  If they break we just buy another.  Even popular entertainment is less about a good story than the spectacle.  Consider that if a television series like Star Trek, Bonanza or Perry Mason were produced today as they were decades ago, they wouldn't have lasted a season.

We now embrace a popular culture based almost entirely on image instead of talent.  Let's get real here, Elvis could sing, Justin Bieber can't (and Lady Gaga is suspect too.)

A generation ago economic status had a direct relationship to the pursuit of knowledge.  Our boomer parents were encouraged to better themselves because a civilized society depended on it.  Whether or not your education was formal its value was unquestioned.  Now we step over PHD's who've taken up residence in alleyways. 

                                        

Which is why I find intensely offensive any formula that calls itself a "readability index calculator" that purports that good writing requires no participation from the reader.

Something's changed since I was in grade school because that's 180 degrees from what I was taught.  It's not that I believe every reader should have a Master's degree but if you don't understand something, look it up.  That's what Google is for!  It's called learning and painful as it may be you have no excuse not to know something.  Unfortunately for most, the information is not always neatly packaged like some  Android app so they just forget about it and try to level up in Angry Birds.

It's amazing that the very thing that offers the best chance for human advancement is the same thing that devalues all of us.  Don't allow anyone to package your point of view for you, the world has enough fundamentalist morons running around.

Not Blogging for fun and profit

Blah, blah, blah, recruiters, blah, blah, Windows 8, blah, blah politics.  Insert a few philosophical musings and the occasional commentary on a Podcast and you have most of the content  found within the Digital Dynamic blog. 

I never claimed this blog was interesting and true to its credo it is a bit rambling.

Still, after doing it for over a year and resisting the urge to regurgitate a largely uninspiring life's experiences onto the page I thought I'd be doing a little better by now.

So I set out on a journey of discovery in search of SEO optimization and higher page hits.

It doesn't take long to find sage advice about successful blogging from the SEO marketing crowd. 

They admonish me to...

Provide value! (subjective term)

Focus your content!  (oops..)

Don't be boring! (VERY Subjective term)

Too much text is bad! (People like pictures)

Be consistent!  (That I can do...)

Don't be wishy-washy...

but don't offend anyone either.  (Like that's possible)

After sifting through hundreds of "How-to" articles and videos  I come to the same conclusion I had when I started my little trip through self-help a la' Google.

It's all crap...

I feel simultaneously enlightened and hollow at the same time.  The presentation, always dazzling yet the value debatable.  Strange, since that breaks the guru's first rule of not having crap content.  Worse it's all the same information which breaks another rule of successful blogging.  That is, don't do what's already been done.

Read down the page and you're sure to find glowing accolades in the comments from dozens who've seemingly experienced an epiphany in 250 words.

Of course it's all very generic which makes me wonder if there's some bulk commentary wholesaler out there where you can buy warm fuzzies by the score.  I swear I've seen the same comments spread across dozens of blogs.  Are people really that unimaginative?  Explains why their blogs aren't doing so well I suppose...

 Just like those late night infomercials with B-list celebrities hawking the promise of easy millions from becoming a slumlord, I'm convinced the only people enjoying success are the guru's themselves.   

Technically they're not lying, they got me to look at their stuff but just because I watch a commercial doesn't mean I'm buying the product.

In this day of website paywalls  standing between you and the last sentence of a newspaper article it seems information, useful or not, is another commodity to be traded. 

I'd like to think that I provided content people were interested in but my numbers say otherwise.  How could I possibly compete with paid reviews of the latest gizmo or celebrity gossip. 

I may be boring but at least I try to be honest with the handful of readers who frequent my work.

Maybe someday if the masses tire of the deluge diatribe they'll go looking for something different.  I just hope I have the right SEO in place when it happens!

Ye shall have a thick skin

"poorly researched article that looks like it was written by an 8th grader."

I guess I touched a nerve. But at least I was hitting the ideal grade point reading level!

That little gem was a response to an article I did on Technorati by an obvious fan of the TWIT network. That's OK  everyone's entitled to their opinion.  Even if it's wrong.

I replied to the comment and actually thanked the reader for it. Kill 'em with kindness or psychological warfare, you decide. At least I know something other than a twitter bot is reading my stuff. Outside of that I really don't care.

I still watch TWIT programming on a regular basis as I'm still of the opinion that it contains some of the best technical content available on any medium. It's also an excellent way to keep up with the pulse of technology trends and attitudes toward them. I won't let that stop me from giving an honest opinion though, even if 99% of the Internet disagrees.


Consider the source as my aunt used to say. When cat videos and angry birds are consistently in the Internet top 10 you have to wonder ...

For my part, I think I've written more than enough about TWIT and unless something major happens I think I'm done with it. I don't like to assault deceased equines.

No, I'm far more interested in the reaction I quoted at the start of this post.

People who post responses like the one above either instantly attack anything that hints at a negative opinion of their favorite whatever or didn't bother to read the article at all and just like to troll comment forums. As a rule I never respond from a knee-jerk reaction be it as author or reader.

Writing is easy unless you want someone to actually read it. So I appreciate the effort it takes to put together an article that passes the muster of seemingly merciless online editors. In that vein I try to be as thoughtful in my comments as the writer was in providing the content.

A courtesy my friend there was unable to extend.

One of the primary rules I follow when I'm assembling an article is to make sure I have something worth saying.

Ok, that sounds stupid but hear me out. There's no shortage of useless prose on the Internet and I don't want to add to it.

When I sit down and try to flesh out something the intent is to offer my own perspective on topics you may or may not be familiar with.

I've got no ego about these things either. I can point to at least 3 articles on Technorati that I've published in the past 6 months that I'd love to rip down and redo. I can't even look at them without cringing. To be honest I feel that way about most of the stuff I post. I'm my own worst critic. That's why drive-by comments like the one at the top of this page don't bother me.

I guess that's my best advice to anyone who writes anything for public consumption. If you believe in your message it'll stand up to criticism and you won't be reduced to tears when someone makes an unkind remark.