More fun with an I.T. Job Search

I've been going through sent emails again...

You know, the ones that I send to recruiters who shotgun phony job descriptions hoping to pad their stack of "candidates."

I suppose they get their training in outbound sales making cold calls.  Just like Spam and junk email the perpetrators figure it's worth it for the 1 in 100,000,000 odds of actually cashing in.  What I hate is the laziness. 

These bottom feeders don't even want to cultivate their own leads.  Instead they send out spam and stick a "If you know anyone forward this to them" tag line at the end.  

This one was for a spam job posting  from an outsourced Indian recruiting sweatshop.  They demanded I answer a list of questions for them before they even got my first response so I obliged.  

By the way,  I don't dismiss "opportunities" easily but when the email is addressed to: "Undisclosed Recipients", well they're just asking for it...


Top Technical skills: Windows System Administration, networking, Hardware

Strengths: Troubleshooting, planning, communication, attention to detail

Years of Experience: In what? That's a very personal question....

Industry experience: Legal, Computer Software, Pharmaceutical, others

Education/Certificates: BS/BIS, AA/Electronics, MCP, CCNA, PHD in BS

Currently employed (contract/full time): Not Full Time currently

Current Location : United States

Here's where it gets fun...

Why looking: Because it’s such a joy.

Open to contract, contract to hire or direct hire: Contract 1st others considered

What do you like about your current/last position? That it’s over

What do you dislike about you current/last position? That it went on so long.

The above questions about likes and dislikes are meaningless, You’ll never get a truthful answer and have little to nothing to do with placement of a candidate and you’re fully aware of it.

Work authorization: Citizen

Third party info: I didn’t have the first or second party yet.

Current salary/rate: Guess.

Desired salary/rate: No less than $60K/day

Availability: Available but I'm not a cheap date

Vacations planned: I could use one but can’t afford it

Drug and background check: No issues but you may cause that to change

Travel: None, I don’t travel for a job unless the booze is free.

Communication Skills: Speak Write English, obviously better than you...

Any Special Circumstances: Low tolerance for BS, like your SPAM emails

Linkedin check: As though I’d put anything I didn't want you to see, come on now...

Messages to a resume stacker

I get a lot of email messages.

Since I'm in the job market I get most of them from recruiters.
In this economy you'd think that was a good thing but it isn't always.

I work with a few decent recruiters who know better than to waste my time but it seems they are in the minority.  What I get most of the time is fly by night operators usually a day late and a dollar short making empty promises.

These are the "Resume Stackers"  or recuriters that collect a large quantity of resumes to try to fool a potential employer into thinking they're offering something they don't really have.  Most just scan monster.com job listings for promising openings and dig up the phone number to HR.

The first tip-off to a "stacker" is jobs that don't match your background and that nobody in their right mind would even consider you for.  They usually have a tag line at the end that says something like:

"If you or someone you know would be a good fit please send us your information"

That means they didn't pay the recuriter fee to be able to access candiate information for DICE, Monster or Careerbuilder, They have no idea who you are as they can only see publicly accessible information likely provided to them in the same manner as those services that provide sales leads for specific zip codes.

I suppose it could be fun to be submitted for a CEO's job if you were a landscaper but not likely to be productive.  That and your chances would be better by just sending your resume on your own.

It's the reason why you see so many job listings that say "No agency referrals"  That means they've been buried by the "Stackers" and got sick of it.

I've taken to doing more than just adding them to my junk email filter.  I encourage them to seek alternate career paths.  Here's a recent email response to a job I had absolutely no qualification for...

Feel free to use my response at the end as a form email response, just replace Resume Stacker with the stacker's name. It's constructed as a form email for both candidate and employer use.

Excerpt of Email I received:
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Hi,

My name is "Resume Stacker" and I'm a Staffing Specialist at Resume Stacker Intl., a Global IT Services & Staffing Company. We are constantly on the lookout for professionals to fulfil the staffing needs of our clients, and we currently have an Opportunity that I thought may interest you. Enclosed below are the details:

Client: We really don't care inc.

Job Title: MS Infrastructure Manager

Location: Somewhere at least 1000 miles from where we are.

Type: Direct Placement

Job Description

SUMMARY STATEMENT:

As a member of the Enterprise Infrastructure leadership team, the Manager, Windows Administration/Engineering plays an important role in helping to define the direction for the team and enabling the technology demands of the business. Drives and manages platform and/or service lifecycles in alignment with We really don't care inc. vision and strategy with a service-oriented, solutions-focused, and progressive approach. Manages the development, deployment and management of enterprise-level Windows operating systems.

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My Response:

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Resume Stacker, you sir/madam are what we in the consulting business call a resume stacker. What that means is that you collect dozens of resumes after getting wind of a possible opening somewhere then shotgun them at the HR department of your target company. The most contact you have with the client is an email and you could give a damn less about the people you submit.

I can prove that from this very email. You've simply scraped my resume/job listing off Monster.com looking for keywords without even reviewing my qualifications/reruirements. In short, you're not qualified to represent me or anyone else to this company/candidate. By the way, this very job was posted a month ago, I watch job listings too. It’s old information and I really don't appreciate being lied to. Yes Resume Stacker, even a half truth makes one a liar.

In fact, Resume Stacker,  I get so many email messages like yours every week seeking to waste my time that I think I should go into the recruiting business myself. It’s apparent that there are far too many unqualified individuals like yourself out there further complicating an already complicated process.

Now I'm going to add you to my junk email filter confident that the only thing I'm missing out on by ignoring any further communication from you is disappointment and rage focused in your general direction.

Try to have a good day, Resume Stacker and please consider another career, you're not helping anyone in this one.

Fun with an I.T. Job Search

Like a lot of folks in I.T. I've been pounding the pavement looking for a steady paycheck for awhile now.  So just like all the other millions of job seekers out there I have profiles on all the job boards, apply to daily listings and have a list of recruiters as long as my arm. 

Of course with the wheat always comes the chaff.  In this case it comes in the form of what I like to call "the resume stacker".  Resume stackers are recruiters usually from employment firms who gain clients by first shot gunning a potential opening (note the word 'potential')to a group of candidates gleaned from sites like Monster.com and CareerBuilder.  They utilize tools like resume scrapers to grab keywords so the job they're pushing usually has nothing to do with your skills. 

Hey, the more the merrier right? At least someone thinks I'm qualified!

Except that's not what's going on.  These "stackers" are just trying to collect resumes that they will in turn use to woo a client that may or may not have a real opening.  In the meantime the "stacker" will put the potential candidate through all the machinations of a job application but offer little to no communication afterward. 

Now I'm not saying ALL recruiters are bad, on the contrary some are genuinely interested in helping you but the guys who resume stack have a much higher profile and are the ones you're most likely to run into.

My skills lie primarily in the arena of Windows System administration and server support in smaller organizations.  So opportunities in that context are always of interest to me.  So why is that I get UNIX/AIX administration, Software coding and RF Microwave engineer?

It's the scraper again.  It's indiscriminate and completely autonomous.  The Unix jobs? because somewhere in my resume I may have had to reboot a Linux box once.  The software coding? because I used a scripting tool for Windows Administration once.  The RF Microwave engineer?  I have no idea, maybe the scraper thinks Wi-Fi is done with Microwaves. 

I get a lot of these, mostly from out of state firms that might as well be telemarketers.  They usually have strange names like Masood and Kailash.  Not only have they completely missed the target with jobs I'm not remotely qualified for but when you look at the pay rate you know they have no clue about what the local market will bear for the ones that do match.

For example, I recently had one of these stackers send me a listing for a technical support position.  Aside from technical requirements I didn't meet the position was priced way above market rates.  A high hourly wage is a hook designed to snag your resume.  Don't fall for it, remember what they say about a deal that seems too good to be true.  Remember it's not about you it's about the guy who sent the email. 

After awhile I get annoyed with these guys filling up my inbox with broken promises so I try to get rid of them.   Experience has taught me that these pitchmen will never do anything for me anyway so why not blow off a little steam.  Who knows? Maybe it'll make them switch to a more honorable profession like used car sales.

What follows is an email transcript from one of my interactions with a particularly pesky "stacker" who likes to fill my inbox with garbage.  Names and contact info have been removed to protect the stupid...

Incidental commentary is highlighted in yellow and black.

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Ok Here’s my info..

I doubt you’ll be representing me to anybody....

Job details:

Job Title: Technical Support Engineer 

(AKA the I.T. Catchall because they don't know either)

Duration: 5 Months

Location: Tempe AZ

Rate 31 / hr. on w2 

(This is about $6/hr over the top end of the market, never happen here)

Job Description:

Responsibilities

Resolve customer reported issues while working closely with the Engineering, SE and other cross functional teams and provide feedback to the Engineering for improving the product quality and reliability
Ensure that the work performed meets the quality within acceptable time schedules and meets the customer commitments while working with the Technical Support team members and management, Engineering and other cross functional teams
Ensure that customers are treated with highest degree of respect and drive operational excellence through quality closures and proper escalation of issues
Work closely with ...blah blah blah....
Willing to work evenings and/or weekends
blah blah blah.... calmness and composure.

Answers needed by the client ::

1. What do you know about this company’s products and services?

Nothing, don’t care

2. Tell me about your previous work experience providing technical support?

I like to abuse the caller

3. What are your strengths and weaknesses when interacting with customers?

Strength, know how to turn off phone ringer, weakness, forgetting to turn it off...

4. Do you consider yourself a team player and why?

F*** teams, just a way to become chief scapegoat for morons...

5. Tell me about a time that you helped resolve a particularly difficult customer issue.

I went to their desk and made them cry

6. Technical Support is a fast paced environment – you will be constantly busy and may often work concurrent transactions. Explain/share how your previous experience has prepared you for this type of work pace.

Your emergency is not my emergency so shut up..

7. Candidates must be able to successfully answer technical questions regarding SQL, MAC OS, MS Exchange

Yeah, aside from being an a**hole I’m also incompetent in these areas

That should do nicely, you should have a crystal clear picture of my qualifications for the position..

Thanks & Regards