These posts are points in time. That doesn't change the meaning or the truth in them but every day brings new thoughts, new decisions and new clarity.
So here's another entry into the journal.
I'm aware of the sadness and disappointment in my life. I'm in touch with it, I own it, I understand it. That I react so strongly doesn't mean I've given up, that I'm going to stop trying, that I believe things will always be this way.
Perspective is important but sometimes the lens is clouded and I end up groping around in the dark. During those times all I can do is try to understand where all this crap is coming from. I don't deny my feelings, that's just lying to yourself.
Lying never sits well with me: made worse when I'm forced into a lie of omission. When things are left unsaid because airing them exposes dark places in others that they don't want to own. When feelings are bottled up and shoved down. To lie to myself about what I know and feel to keep the peace.
The question is: Is it a peace worth keeping?
Is it worth shackling your soul just for the hope that "If I just wait it out" things will get better? Will someday bring freedom?
Someday is now kids...
If you feel like you have to deny your own intuition, your own deepest held beliefs just to be accepted then I submit that whatever you're seeking approval from isn't the right place for you to be.
We all must suffer to learn. That is the human condition. Remaining in suffering, however, is not.
I express what I feel and eventually I can release it.
I can have bitter disagreements with people but I know that it's a temporary state. I will always extend a hand and open my heart if the will is there.
That doesn't mean I'm OK with being taken advantage of but being human I know that I don't always do the right thing and sometimes my decisions aren't based on my better angels.
We all do that.
What I will NOT do is allow myself to be defined by someone else's prejudice, bias or intolerance.
I will NOT sacrifice myself for anyone who isn't willing to do the same.
I've got a lot to offer, there's nothing wrong with me and I'm capable of great things.
...and I know...
Those that choose to deny the pettiness of a societal premise that says we are more different than the same. That look beyond this tiny spec of time and see the larger canvas. That refuse to let fear, indoctrination and ignorance rule them.
Those are my friends. Those are my people.
And even if I must walk my path alone, I believe that if that is the core of my being....
I can't be that unique in the world.
I will NOT let anyone take that from me. I don't claim that I'm always right, that I'm perfect or that I alone have the answer.
I just won't allow anyone to project on me that which they refuse to deal with in their own heart.
It's up to you to NOT be lazy and listen to what you know to be right instead of what you THINK to be right.
Love doesn't require thinking. It just is....or it isn't.
I will NOT make it more complicated than that.
What will you do?
C'mon...I dare you.
I dare you to reach beyond the grand facade of expectation, entitlement and fated outcomes.
I dare you to be more.
I dare you...
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