Steps.

There is in everything an ebb and flow

A time to embrace and a time to let go

A day remembered, a dream past 

Ripples in time, pebbles long since cast

The waters calm now gently kissing the shore

A path revealed, one step a thousand, one touch a million more

The steps important not the path we tread

We write our own journeys in no other's stead

Moved by the music of a soul in tune

We dance to the rhythms as our hearts do swoon

At peace with gifts found both bitter and sweet

At one with your heart and those we chance meet

 

I Don't Know...and that's OK

So I have this bare spot on my front lawn.  At this point it's become more of a bare "section" right smack dab in the middle where everyone can see it.

It's like walking up to the podium to accept an Oscar with your fly down.

Oh yeah, I know I'm supposed to be watering, seeding, fertilizing and all that stuff but it often seems much of that effort goes to waste.  To me the lawn is just another thing I take little joy in mostly because the returns are minimal.  Water is expensive and so is everything else that it takes to have a perfect green carpet.

Scarce resources demand compromise and there's a lot of that around here.  Although I do a fairly good job of hiding it a trained eye could spot my deception.  Would I like everything to be perfect?  Sure I would and I'll make it that way if I can.  Still, in the end the returns are superficial.  There are things far more important to know and invest myself in.


We can't know everything about everything and it's OK to admit that.  Everyone's different with their own unique talents.  Me, I'm good around cars and basic home repair but I wouldn't say I was an expert in them. 

I'm pretty good with people too but by no means an expert and sometimes I make mistakes.  OK, I make mistakes more than sometimes but that's how we learn.  I'm subject to the same biases and subjective noise as anyone else but I try to stay aware of such things so I can get past them.  No great feat really.  I'm just willing to ignore those things that may be superficially objectionable to find the real person.

The things I know about myself, the things I believe in about me or someone else often have no words.  The things that matter are often that way.  I'd rather show than tell and sometimes it's clumsy or ill-timed.

That's OK too.  So long as it's an honest expression there's no greater gift even if the wrapping is a little messed up.

The most genuine thing you can ever admit to yourself is that you simply don't know.  Hopefully followed up by,  "but I want to learn."

"I Don't Know" isn't an end, it's a beginning...

Expectations: Love, positivity and otherwise

 

I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately and that's a bad thing because, well, I'm really bad at them.

Not bad in sense of being selfish or abusive.

Rather, I tend to be as my 8th grade English teacher once said to me...."Hyper analytical."

Before you run off to Google it, that just means I think too much...about everything.

Seems nothing happens in my life without at least some measure of the consequences being considered first.  

At length...

The same can be said for a lot of  people but I tend to take it to another level.  Hence...Hyper analytical.

It's served me well for all those things where there was a "safer" option but relationships are all about risk and reward.

So let me put this out there right up front.  The Internet is a HORRIBLE place to find answers to your relationship questions.  Want to ruin a good thing?  Listen to some idiot try to tell you what you're feeling.  

"The first kiss should happen by the second date..."

"Sex should happen by the 5th date..."

"If she doesn't want to hold your hand it means she's not into you..."

Bull...

Love isn't an Amazon Prime purchase.  There are no customer reviews or 5 star rating systems.  Well, there are but they're worthless.

The heart wants what it wants but I can tell you from experience that the heart is, to be blunt, stupid.  This is why we have brains.  The problem is the two are mortal enemies.  Where the heart may be warm and accepting the brain is cold, analytical and far more subject to the influence of the sin of "idle hands."

Leave things unsaid long enough and those "idle hands" get busy.

The best relationship advice is to forget about expectations.  Especially those born from uncertainty.

If you look for answers everywhere BUT the person who actually has them you're doomed.


I've written about the dangers of relying on absolutes before and when it comes to relationships it seems they're everywhere.  Look for definitive answers to questions about love and you get 1000 opinions.  All of them framed as a golden truth but as worthless as cow patties.

OK, here's the wave thing again...

Remember we can only control our own actions, our own thoughts and our own judgement.  The more we ride the waves the more we learn that no two are ever the same.  Any expectations beyond "wet" and "movement" are unreliable.

Be open to what's happening in the relationship good or bad but keep your expectations out of it.

I can tell you from experience that the worst heartbreak comes not from what you think someone did to you but rather a personal expectation they couldn't and/or didn't want to live up to.  
  
That's the issue with expectations; they aren't reality, they're just unspoken demands.  Anything unspoken eventually leads to trouble down the line.  Besides, DEMANDS don't make for great relationships.

I have a close friend that I absolutely HATE going to restaurants with.  The reason is that he's never happy with his order.    An example comes to mind. 

My friend often orders salads.  Now it's not unusual that they just might include a tomato or two.   

Thing is, he hates tomatoes with a passion but when he orders he  never says anything to the waiter about his disdain for all things tomato.  So the salad comes with the offending red veggie (Supreme Court says it's not a fruit BTW) and spends the rest of the meal grumbling about how they should have known he didn't want tomatoes.  

 It's happened so often that now I won't go anywhere with him that doesn't require you to tell someone behind a sneeze guard exactly what you want.  

Subway restaurants come to mind...

Just like my finicky eating friend you never get what you want when you make unilateral judgments.   

Admittedly, that's hard to do at times.  

Gosh, wouldn't it be just wonderful if if all our relationships were like an 80's John Hughes film.  A couple of awkward meetings, love and/or friendship develops and gets tested just before the ultimate resolution rising to a crescendo complete with happy ending all in the space of a couple of hours.

Yeah, it don't work that way.

BUT!

It's easier if you're riding the wave instead of trying to dictate its direction.  Love the moment, breathe in the atmosphere and enjoy the ride.  

Just don't forget to keep your eyes open.

We get into the most trouble when we get lost in our own expectations and make blind assumptions.

Be you, be real and be open...