Steps.

There is in everything an ebb and flow

A time to embrace and a time to let go

A day remembered, a dream past 

Ripples in time, pebbles long since cast

The waters calm now gently kissing the shore

A path revealed, one step a thousand, one touch a million more

The steps important not the path we tread

We write our own journeys in no other's stead

Moved by the music of a soul in tune

We dance to the rhythms as our hearts do swoon

At peace with gifts found both bitter and sweet

At one with your heart and those we chance meet

 

I Don't Know...and that's OK

So I have this bare spot on my front lawn.  At this point it's become more of a bare "section" right smack dab in the middle where everyone can see it.

It's like walking up to the podium to accept an Oscar with your fly down.

Oh yeah, I know I'm supposed to be watering, seeding, fertilizing and all that stuff but it often seems much of that effort goes to waste.  To me the lawn is just another thing I take little joy in mostly because the returns are minimal.  Water is expensive and so is everything else that it takes to have a perfect green carpet.

Scarce resources demand compromise and there's a lot of that around here.  Although I do a fairly good job of hiding it a trained eye could spot my deception.  Would I like everything to be perfect?  Sure I would and I'll make it that way if I can.  Still, in the end the returns are superficial.  There are things far more important to know and invest myself in.


We can't know everything about everything and it's OK to admit that.  Everyone's different with their own unique talents.  Me, I'm good around cars and basic home repair but I wouldn't say I was an expert in them. 

I'm pretty good with people too but by no means an expert and sometimes I make mistakes.  OK, I make mistakes more than sometimes but that's how we learn.  I'm subject to the same biases and subjective noise as anyone else but I try to stay aware of such things so I can get past them.  No great feat really.  I'm just willing to ignore those things that may be superficially objectionable to find the real person.

The things I know about myself, the things I believe in about me or someone else often have no words.  The things that matter are often that way.  I'd rather show than tell and sometimes it's clumsy or ill-timed.

That's OK too.  So long as it's an honest expression there's no greater gift even if the wrapping is a little messed up.

The most genuine thing you can ever admit to yourself is that you simply don't know.  Hopefully followed up by,  "but I want to learn."

"I Don't Know" isn't an end, it's a beginning...

Expectations: Love, positivity and otherwise

 

I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately and that's a bad thing because, well, I'm really bad at them.

Not bad in sense of being selfish or abusive.

Rather, I tend to be as my 8th grade English teacher once said to me...."Hyper analytical."

Before you run off to Google it, that just means I think too much...about everything.

Seems nothing happens in my life without at least some measure of the consequences being considered first.  

At length...

The same can be said for a lot of  people but I tend to take it to another level.  Hence...Hyper analytical.

It's served me well for all those things where there was a "safer" option but relationships are all about risk and reward.

So let me put this out there right up front.  The Internet is a HORRIBLE place to find answers to your relationship questions.  Want to ruin a good thing?  Listen to some idiot try to tell you what you're feeling.  

"The first kiss should happen by the second date..."

"Sex should happen by the 5th date..."

"If she doesn't want to hold your hand it means she's not into you..."

Bull...

Love isn't an Amazon Prime purchase.  There are no customer reviews or 5 star rating systems.  Well, there are but they're worthless.

The heart wants what it wants but I can tell you from experience that the heart is, to be blunt, stupid.  This is why we have brains.  The problem is the two are mortal enemies.  Where the heart may be warm and accepting the brain is cold, analytical and far more subject to the influence of the sin of "idle hands."

Leave things unsaid long enough and those "idle hands" get busy.

The best relationship advice is to forget about expectations.  Especially those born from uncertainty.

If you look for answers everywhere BUT the person who actually has them you're doomed.


I've written about the dangers of relying on absolutes before and when it comes to relationships it seems they're everywhere.  Look for definitive answers to questions about love and you get 1000 opinions.  All of them framed as a golden truth but as worthless as cow patties.

OK, here's the wave thing again...

Remember we can only control our own actions, our own thoughts and our own judgement.  The more we ride the waves the more we learn that no two are ever the same.  Any expectations beyond "wet" and "movement" are unreliable.

Be open to what's happening in the relationship good or bad but keep your expectations out of it.

I can tell you from experience that the worst heartbreak comes not from what you think someone did to you but rather a personal expectation they couldn't and/or didn't want to live up to.  
  
That's the issue with expectations; they aren't reality, they're just unspoken demands.  Anything unspoken eventually leads to trouble down the line.  Besides, DEMANDS don't make for great relationships.

I have a close friend that I absolutely HATE going to restaurants with.  The reason is that he's never happy with his order.    An example comes to mind. 

My friend often orders salads.  Now it's not unusual that they just might include a tomato or two.   

Thing is, he hates tomatoes with a passion but when he orders he  never says anything to the waiter about his disdain for all things tomato.  So the salad comes with the offending red veggie (Supreme Court says it's not a fruit BTW) and spends the rest of the meal grumbling about how they should have known he didn't want tomatoes.  

 It's happened so often that now I won't go anywhere with him that doesn't require you to tell someone behind a sneeze guard exactly what you want.  

Subway restaurants come to mind...

Just like my finicky eating friend you never get what you want when you make unilateral judgments.   

Admittedly, that's hard to do at times.  

Gosh, wouldn't it be just wonderful if if all our relationships were like an 80's John Hughes film.  A couple of awkward meetings, love and/or friendship develops and gets tested just before the ultimate resolution rising to a crescendo complete with happy ending all in the space of a couple of hours.

Yeah, it don't work that way.

BUT!

It's easier if you're riding the wave instead of trying to dictate its direction.  Love the moment, breathe in the atmosphere and enjoy the ride.  

Just don't forget to keep your eyes open.

We get into the most trouble when we get lost in our own expectations and make blind assumptions.

Be you, be real and be open... 

Randomized and Uncategorized....This blog

I'm not sure if anyone really cares about blogging anymore. 

Our lives are so exposed and so EASY to expose with far less effort these days that it's hardly worth the effort.

I mean yeah, there's no shortage of "CEO corner" examples but that's just marketing fluff to appease shareholders.

It's rare that I see anything genuine simply because so few care about the medium.

Which is one of the reasons I started this blog.  I was fairly certain nobody would read it which lets it live in a kind of limbo of being "online" but still largely anonymous.  That also removes the barriers to my content that come from trying to please an audience.

Take it for what it's worth and I have to admit sometimes it's absolutely worthless.

But there are those times when something magical happens.  Brief interludes where thoughts, ideas and emotions flow freely culminating in something that gives me pause.

And I wrote it!

If you want to know the purpose it's quite simple really...

It's a collection of points in time, a sounding board and sometimes just a writing exercise.  Most of the time there's no grand plan, no agenda, no motive.

In fact it's much like the classic personal diary except I rarely expose the personal except to illustrate a concept I may be trying to get across.

I've actually had readers contact me expressing concern over certain posts that may seem indicative of some kind of internal strife. 

Trust me, nothing is further from reality. You're just getting a window into my process of purging those things that are better not internalized.

That kind of thing is at odds, however, with something that's always worried me.  That is, being misunderstood and sending the wrong message.

There are times when words can't express what's in my head no matter how hard I try.  Thoughts and emotions, joy, sorrow, befuddlement and amusement. 

Some things are meant to be expressed in other ways...

Of course that's not the sole purpose of this blog.  Writing exercises, commentary on popular culture and even my own brand of philosophy are found here.

A grab bag of disjointed topics collected together in one grand mess. 

So love it, hate it or ponder it just know that I'm probably doing the same after I hit that "publish" button.

Positivity takes a beating

I'm tired, very tired...

In the last post I talked about finding the positive in all things and in spite of the tone of what may follow I still hold that tenet to be true.

A lot of things have happened in the last few weeks both wonderful and awful...

But at this moment something's transpired that I find hard to put the right words to now so forgive me if this is a bit disjointed and rambling.

I've spent a good portion of my life waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Without going into a lot of boring details let's just say that I had good reason.  It's not a self-fulfilling prophecy kind of thing it's just the circumstances that surrounded me early on. 

If I told you the story you'd likely think I was making it up so I won't bother.  I'll say this.  It'd make a hell of a mini-series.  That's for damned sure.  

But it's taken a toll.  One that I'm just not willing to pay anymore.  It goes back to that whole prisoner of experiences thing. In the past, it's kept me from a lot of things and on the shore watching the waves instead of riding them.  

Positive energy begets positive energy and I choose to encourage the harvest whenever the opportunity presents itself.

Still, when the barbs come it still stings and one came today that...

Hit me hard.

Borrowing from my surfing analogy, it knocked me off my board but I was already having trouble with my balance anyway so it wasn't a huge surprise.  Still,  I'd have been a poorer man had I not at least tried to see where this path would lead. 

Right now it appears to be going in a solitary direction yet again but that's OK.  

Because I know that appearances aren't always fact I won't completely close the door to the possibilities because of the way things "seem."   I'm aware I'm not the best judge of anything right now and I have to be willing to step outside of what I "think" I know. 

I have to be willing to let things breathe a bit and see what develops once all the pieces are in place.

It's transcending the fear and doubt that tries to bind you that is the core of positivity  Embracing every moment for the lessons it offers and the clues to our own deepest selves.  Acknowledging that while the result may not be what you wanted; it was what you needed to grow.

I've never acted on a whim when it comes to being with the people I care about no matter how long I've known them.  There's a sense of a "lovely belonging" that doesn't happen with just anybody.  Those it does have been with me most of my life or at least have ultimately affected me in a very positive way.  So when I feel it I don't ignore it.


If someone can awaken the stirrings of the heart within you it's a great gift regardless of the outcome.  
Don't cheapen that gift.

Positive Waves - Finding the positive in everything

It's very late as I write this so forgive the meanderings of a mind still stirring after most have long since retired.

The room is dark, Gordon Lightfoot's, "Sundown" plays in the background and I'm in a good place.  

Not that all is puppies and rainbows.  I lost an Uncle this week and in the process tested whether what I preach was practiced.

There's plenty of babble about positivity out there.  Lip service from the self-help set that seem to have an answer for everything.  Ready made solutions conveniently packaged for instant gratification like a candy bar from the corner convenience store.

We know better don't we?

Life's not about easy answers, absolute truths or anything that passes for divine insight. 

These days my favorite analogy has to do with waves.  I picture a sunlit day over some tropical beach watching the waves crashing against the shore.  In the distance I see a lone figure prone on his longboard.  

He waits for the swell, paddles toward the growing curl and when the moment is right stands up and rides his wave...

Or not...

It doesn't matter, there's always another wave and another opportunity to shoot the curl.  

We can't control the waves only how we react to them.  Do we submit or harness their power.  

That's up to you...

Life is the same.  I'm not suggesting any easy answers because there aren't any.  If there were life would be pretty boring now wouldn't it.  

Of course you could always choose to stay on shore.  No risk in that, no reward either....

It's so very easy to keep a death grip on what we believe to be true even if it robs us of the gifts that life offers..  

The echoes are familiar: I'm not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough or any of a 1000 reasons to stay in that safe place.

I've often said that we're prisoners of our experience.  Some misunderstand it as an assertion of some deeply held absolute truth that I carry around like a boulder strapped to my head.

It's not.  Instead it's an acknowledgement of the enemy we have to conquer before we can truly experience what life has to offer.

My mind works in strange ways leading to sometimes strange analogies.  One that I frequently borrow, from of all places the financial industry goes like this...

"Past performance is not indicative of future results."

Good advice whilst evaluating your portfolio but even better when you're in unfamiliar territory.

Experience is an excellent teacher but the lessons never end.  

I'll put it to you this way.  When I was in school Pluto was still a planet.

Now it isn't.

So should I reject evidence contrary to what I learned in school or should I be open to something new.

My "prisoner" phrase isn't meant as an absolute but rather a warning because it's so very easy to cage ourselves in the context of the past when dealing with the present.

Most people don't want to be in prison.  It's a place that keeps you in the past paying for sins real and imagined.

 
So do we always catch that wave?  Is the ride always sweet?




Hell no but here's the trick.

If we fall off that board at least we know we've tried and chances are we'll try again.  Eventually as we open ourselves to new information we'll figure out how to ride that wave all the way to the shore.

We don't control the waves only how we respond to them.

Does that mean I'm never sad, angry or disappointed?  Of course not!  I'd be some babbling idiot if that was the case.

But just like falling off your surfboard there's something to be learned.  Even in the worst situations you can find the positives.  Maybe that flat tire gave you time to think about something you didn't have time for otherwise.  Maybe the ending of that past relationship brought into focus what you really wanted.

There's always something to be gained from our experiences.  Let them be our teachers but not our masters.  

Every hero's tale ultimately finds said hero evolving beyond their mentor.


Positivity isn't about being a happy idiot.  It's about being open to the possibilities even if it they aren't immediately obvious.

Watch the waves, float along for awhile and when you're ready stand up and harness their power.