Nice guys...Ladies, you're the problem

Before we get started let me preface this post...

I happened to be sampling all the bad relationship advice found on the Internet with all the same tired stereotypes and psychotic reasoning that goes along with it.   

...and it pissed me off... 

It's not meant to be directed at any one person but rather a spectrum of people in my and others experience.

 

I just had an epiphany or more accurately had it again.

I just remembered why I gave up on romantic relationships for the past decade or so...

You see, in the context of relationships I'm pretty much "The Nice Guy."

Which for both sexes pretty much puts the "sucker" brand on my forehead...

Screw your brands...

I've had it.  I've had it with the games, the bad advice, the lies and the excuses.

I've had a front row seat to and been in enough of my own relationships to see just how much BS goes on.  The subjugation  of the self, the lies, the denial.  All for the greater glory of bragging rights over your "unattached" friends.

"Oh god, you haven't been regularly dating?  What's wrong with you?  That's not normal...Oh I know this great..."

Screw you...

I choose not to because I prefer quality over quantity and as an ADULT I know what to look for without wearing out my mattress to figure it out.  

I don't get involved with anyone for any reason other than I think they're worth it.  PERIOD.

Can you say as much?  Are your standards as high or do you just put up with whatever douchebag/bitch that comes along to convince yourself that you're "normal."

Your "normal" is sick...

The number 1 relationship tip is to love yourself first.  If you're putting yourself through all that crap just to measure up to the status quo you can't like yourself much, let alone love...

Crap like...

The "chase," how women love the chase...

Chase this...

If your only validation is that someone actually WANTS to get your attention that's a pretty low bar.

So you overcompensate and set up a bunch of "rules" that might as well be built on the shifting sands of some hurricane battered beach.

"Oh, he calls and texts too much.  He's too needy...."  Even if it's a couple times a week a disinterested woman can blow it up to the proportions of "constant."

Now I admit this could be a reach (not) but just maybe your new "friend" is wondering why you suddenly dropped off the end of the Earth.  Be honest for a change and just admit you either don't have time or don't have any interest.  Relationships have 2 sides. 

It's not "needy" if you're actually interested in someone though now is it?  Be honest, if you can. No, never mind.  You can't.  

Men aren't the only ones with double standards...

If you had any real interest at all you'd be obsessing that he wasn't contacting you enough.

"He took 40 minutes to respond to my text!  Why doesn't he like me!"

Let me clue you in.  A guy that's interested in you is going to take any opportunity to talk to you  regardless of whether he's a "nice guy."  If you give him your number you're signalling that you're OK with it. 

Don't like it?  Don't give it to him till you actually WANT to talk to him on a regular basis or heaven forbid stop thinking we can read minds and just say so.

"I don't even talk to my friends every day."

Uh, yeah, yeah you do.  At least in the beginning.  That's how they became your friends.  Otherwise you would never have gotten to know them.  I've got friends going back 30 years that I regularly contact.  Not as much these days because, well....

We know each other now.  

How did that happen?  We hung out a lot.  Sometimes every day!

Friendships aren't metered like minutes on a mobile plan.  Neither are romantic relationships.   People get to know each other by hanging out and talking.  They don't have to adhere to some BS schedule with acceptable hours and frequency because they already KNOW you and what's acceptable.  

That happens because people who like each other actually want to spend time together not just endure it.

Otherwise you might as well be scheduling an appointment with a repairman.  

You gonna hang out with butt-crack guy?  Maybe consider the marriage potential?

Grow up...

What are we?  A bunch of 5 year olds on the playground?  Perhaps I should dip your pigtails in the inkwell then.  That is how little boys used to show they liked a girl at that age...I guess they just like their Facebook page now.

What a bunch of bullshit.  

Yes, it's wonderful when a relationship is new and you're feeling each other out.  Although it seems that nowadays it's more like the real measure of "romance" is how fast you can feel each other up.

For men, the quicker the better for women it's how long they can hold him off.

Congratulations, you've graduated to high school groping in the back seat of mom's Prius.

How ironic.  How hypocritical...

A guy that's honest and upfront is "weak and needy."  While captain Douchebag could be a lying prick, you can't get your mind off the wedding invitations and your 2.3 kids.

What a load...

 
Then when he dumps you, abuses you, cheats or otherwise trashes your life you're mystified at how this "great guy" could have done you so wrong.

Here's a hint..  You picked him.  Eyes firmly shut.

You based your decision on what you wanted instead of what you knew.  This goes for guys too by the way...

Expectations again.  Unspoken demands.  They will ALWAYS FAIL YOU.

Want less heartbreak?  How about actually appreciating honesty when it's offered instead of the hollow shell you hold up.

There's nothing that takes more courage for a man than admitting he loves another person.  Nothing.  We're even more terrified than you are of having our feelings betrayed.
By the way I mean REAL LOVE, not just saying the word to get into your pants.

Even the Macho asshole types are just scared little boys inside that don't want to be hurt.

The most unstable, insecure and immature men are the ones that treat women like garbage.  

If you're OK being treated like garbage then don't be surprised when you get dumped.

Otherwise stop bagging on the "Nice Guys."  Respect, attention and consideration are not abnormal behaviors but your reaction to them is.

Live up to your own standards and maybe the fucking divorce rate will finally drop.   

I'm done with this...

The reason for the bloodlust

When I wrote the last line of my article on the Jodi Arias verdict I hadn't planned to write anything more about it.  To say I was disgusted with the festival of bloodlust is an understatement.  It was pathetic and disheartening. 

You need to know that my issue is with the mad rush to the gallows and not the conviction.  Is the death penalty warranted? possibly but when it's the preferred option we have to take a step back and examine our own values.

After catching an episode of Makers: Women who make America I had an epiphany of sorts.  It's a PBS documentary series that deals with different aspects of the female experience.  

This particular episode chronicled women who shaped and brought to light women's issues in America.

Ok, so what.  Just another PBS humanities study right up there with whatever Ken Burns is doing these days...

Where my epiphany comes in was the discussion of how women's roles are still in flux even after a century of progress.  Men by and large still hold a very 19th century view of women and in conservative circles even more so.

Remember, Arizona is a staunchly conservative state.  Gloria Steinem probably wouldn't find much of a fan base here but Phyllis Schlafly would probably be given keys to the Governor's executive toilet.

It's that characteristic that made me do a bit of digging.  Specifically, I was curious about women who were sentenced to death in the U.S. for capital crimes.  There are 27 states that embrace the death penalty and Arizona has ranked in the top half at #13 as recently as 2012.   

While it's still true that the overwhelming majority of death row inmates are male, the 1% or so that are female seem to have a few traits in common.  One is that their victims were usually a spouse or a boyfriend the other is obvious, they were men.   Another increasingly common factor is questionable prosecutions with groups like Amnesty International frequently becoming involved.

Conservative values are very much tied to a 19th century ideal and with that a definition of women's roles.   Much of the bluster you've seen in recent political campaigns is a reflection of those values.  

Which brings me back to the whole bloodlust thing...

You see, while a man has a roughly equal chance of life imprisonment or death row for killing a woman when the roles are reversed the odds can change dramatically.  In a state that leans conservative (like AZ)  women often find themselves running headlong into conservative ideologies when they challenge the status quo.

Now before anyone runs off on a tangent know this...

I don't suggest for a minute that Jodi Arias is innocent but I do suggest that the public reaction to her sentence had more to do with wanting to punish an "uppity woman" than justice for Travis Alexander.

It's not the crime, it's the attitude that's intolerable to their very core.  An attitude that those with such views feel must be punished.  Preferably with blood if possible.

I'm surprised I missed it the first time.  I must have been overcome by the vitriol.  

Men, Sit your butt down!

WARNING!

This will be my most irreverent yet insightful post ever!

Here's the deal.

Men, you know you wish you had a urinal in your house.  I mean really now.  We spend far more time taking nature's call standing up than sitting down.  

Look at any public restroom and the first thing you notice is that the Men's room has located the urinals far more conveniently than the standard commode.

There's a reason.  

Urinals are quick, convenient and fit in with the male "go go" lifestyle of get in, get out and keep movin'!

Whereas the standard commode requires far more commitment.  Not only do you have to half disrobe to use it but overuse in public can bring into question your manliness.  After all, real men do their business on their feet not their ass!

But let's be practical here.  

Sure, out in public there's usually a convenient urinal available in the men's room (movie theater's usually have the highest ratio of urinal to commode BTW)

What about at home?

Let's face it guys, bathrooms are sexist...

I mean really now, how many times have you seen a urinal in a private home?  I'd wager even Donald Trump doesn't have one in his bathroom(s).

Yes, home conveniences are still stuck in the 50's where the idealized woman cared for the idealized home and the male just visited long enough to get some rest before returning to work for a spirited day of more manly pursuits.

I'm sure someone thought it was a compromise but when it comes right down to it the average commode is openly hostile to the male of the species....

Either the seat is sized wrong or it's virtually impossible to use the facility without making some degree of mess which left unattended will bring the wrath of the significant other/partner of the opposing sex.

This problem is compounded by the simple fact that once the male of the species has imbibed enough alcohol they are going to have a need to use the facility in a manner other than its principal design.


Here's the issue.  

No matter how hard we try, the male of the species will make a mess in the commode when  relieving themselves of liquids.

Therefore I submit that the stigma of being "girly" by sitting down to urinate be removed.  

Look guys, if you can't aim straight and you don't have a urinal then you just need to (literally) sit you ass down.

It will promote domestic harmony and sanitation.

Men, the world of sanitation is against us therefore we must adapt to conquer it!

Consider this the next time you head to the 
...ahem...head...

A lifestyle event, now with stereotypes!

Article originally published on Technorati as: A lifestyle event, now with stereotypes!

It's January in Scottsdale, Arizona and that huge traffic jam on the 101 freeway can only mean one thing, Barrett-Jackson's back.  With examples from classic to wild custom there's always something to drool over at this largest of the four Barrett-Jackson auctions. 

It's said to be "The" automotive event of the year that both collector's and wannabe's alike use to value their dreams.  Is that all original Hemi RoadRunner in your garage  a good investment or is it just another Satellite?  Barrett-Jackson will clear that up for you.

Since 1993 Speed Channel, now called just "Speed" and recently acquired by Fox networks has broadcast the event.  Each year a week's worth of coverage in the middle of January dominates the otherwise Nascar centric programming on the channel.  It offers a view into not only the cars but the lifestyle and people that surround them. 

Watch it for an hour and you notice that the "lifestyle" is populated by primarily affluent 50'ish white men.  None of which seem to have any compunction against throwing ridiculous sums of money at cars your parents probably couldn't wait to get rid of back in the day.  They call it an investment but it's dubious reasoning.  The collector car market is as fickle as Wall street.  It's more likely an attempt to recapture lost youth with a bit of braggadocio thrown in at their financial ability to try.

Speed has always been good about staffing the event with veteran commentators from across motorsports.  Whether they've been covering Nascar or writing articles for Hot Rod there's sure to be at least one you can identify with.

Which makes a recent change to the event coverage perplexing.  Last year saw the addition of what can only be described as a "booth bunny" to the lineup.  I appreciate an attractive woman as much as the next guy but does shoehorning a stereotype from a bikini contest really add anything to the broadcast?

There's nothing wrong with female broadcasters so let's get that out of the way.  Speed's choice, however,  is little more than a foil for dumb blonde jokes.  Is there a dearth of female motorsports commentators versed in their subject? If this is the way motorsports views women I wouldn't blame them for staying away. 

Still, it's not as though Speed hasn't had access to female journalists at least familiar with motorsports.  Is it too much to ask to not perpetuate a stereotype?  It's demeaning.  On Wednesday night's broadcast for example,April Rose (of Maxim fame) was seated in a driving simulator and actually said,

"They should make one of these for women drivers where everyone stayed far away" 

I hate Internet shorthand but...O M G ! 

She even did the hair flip thing! 

Gender equality set back 50 years in 20 seconds.  Were I an affluent woman considering the purchase of one of these shining examples of lost youth I'd likely have switched off Speed channel's coverage left the auction and headed across the street to Russo and Steele instead..

I'd like to say it was an isolated incident but unfortunately it was only one of many.  It's obvious that to the old white men in charge of Fox, she is the pinnacle of female broadcasting.