Honesty

I'm not sure honesty is the best policy anymore.  I'm not sure that's what anybody really wants.

To be honest is to accept the burden of it. 

Nobody wants to live a lie but so too does anyone want to know everything.   It's just too much too soon.

Truth is something meant to be unfolded over time with actions supporting the words.  There are no shortcuts.

I know....

Words have power but action gives them substance.  Honest intent, honest action needs no words.

The most honest response is often silence.

What causes more pain, an unkind word or silent indifference?

What causes more joy, a compliment or a warm embrace?

Honesty isn't really the problem, however,  it's trying to use words so often inadequate to the task.

Honesty can exact a heavy price.  One often paid alone.

Lies have no value, deception offers no refuge.  Don't misunderstand, I don't advocate them here.

But too much honesty robs the future, destroys the magic and....

Everything in moderation or so they say.  

"If only I'd known"  A decision to deny an outcome that only resulted in the very outcome feared. 

A reason for honesty that resulted in a different kind of pain.  One I brought on myself.

Live in the moment, don't try to fashion the next.  Take the light where its offered instead of demanding it appear.

If only I'd followed my own counsel.  

Now I'm adrift.  Unsure what to trust, unsure if I care.  

In times like these all that's left is to search out the light and let it guide me.

It'll have to be enough.

It's all I really have if I'm honest with myself.  

Heart Be Still....

Heart be still

 

Heart be still

Trouble me no more

your nagging insistence

ever drags me to the fore

I've had enough

of this thing called love

I've had enough

of fools folly in search of

I've felt this before

so long it has been

once more into my life

to wreak havoc again

For years I was content

to deny love's caress

For years so fortunate

that for me none did fluoresce

A year ago we met

I felt the flame

But hesitant in my action

I feared the game

Then joy when I saw her

as again she came through the door

heart beaming, mind racing

a love rekindled once more

Finding my courage

I invited her out

she accepted, I dumbfounded

but fear was I without

I thought she felt the same

or so I thought

But always that nagging

was it all for naught?

For me the flame lit early

for her it was not so

she was not ready

For what my heart would bestow

Did I surmise

in the knowing of my pain

that pursuing this one

was a fools errand in vain?

For she was not ready

my feelings unrestrained

Loving eyes from me

would only cause both pain?

Pain for both

sadly it is so

love unrequited

A feeling hated 

yet so well I know

I go down this road no longer

my solitude I must reclaim

Not her fault not mine

simply victims of the game

She might have met me

if the past didn't hold her so

a pain in her so deeply felt

she could never forego

She told me of loves before

of dreams lost in the fray

How solitude she now sought

while she pushed me away

Maybe in the future she said

a chance the flame

but for now it was no

she would coldly abstain

But love in my eyes I could never hide

friendship would always strain

Expectation, desire

in me rising again

  The flame will burn, that won't change

but the pain of it will subside

My life now familiar yet strange

another love has died.

I thought we'd conquer worlds 

But from WE must I now refrain

Once more I seek to master them alone

and From love I will abstain.

Positivity and Survival

"It isn't about being driven it's about survival!"

"I didn't do it because I was brave, I had another reason..."

There's pain in those words.  They came in reaction to something I'd said to them that at the time I thought was supportive.



I recognized instantly the use of the word "survival" in this context coming from a place of frustration, anger and fear.  

This is an example of the power of perspective.

As the unwitting observer I ran headlong into the clash of perspectives.  Light and Dark were never so clear as those moments on the phone.

We choose our perspective and life unfolds accordingly.  We see only that which we allow through its lens.

Let's do a little word play.  

Let's take: "It isn't about being driven it's about sruvival!"

and change a few words around:

"It isn't about survival it's about being driven"



All we did was swap the positions of 2 words and the whole perspective changes from fear and uncertainty to determination. 



Which one does the better job of achieving your goals?

Fear motivates nothing but itself.  



Now I 'll admit that this person and I often have issues with miscommunication.  My words of affirmation likely were interpreted as condescending.  I will admit that a very long text clarifying my meaning followed.



One that was likely more reactionary than it should have been but hey, I'm not perfect and the positive affirmation needed a bit stiffer hand than flowery prose could muster.

It's an issue that stems from the same perspective that prefers the word "survival" to "driven."



Surviving isn't about living.  It's about trying not to die and while we all go through it the goal is not to get stuck there.  

Yes, the world is full of people that would take advantage of your good nature.  If, however,  your perspective is focused on those things that support instead of threaten your goals you find life gets a lot more manageable.

Remember that positivity isn't about being a happy idiot.  Yes, bad things happen but we can choose not to build our lives around them.  



I've said it before, We're prisoners of our experience.  But only so long as we choose to be.  Wisdom comes from adversity but adversity doesn't have to be a lifestyle.

The wise man uses his gifts to make his world instead of letting the world make him.  

Yeah, yeah, yeah...Flowery words, total BS, easy for you to say.

You know what, you're right.  It is easy for me to say but only because I choose a perspective that allows me to move forward.  



I'm not rich, famous or on anybody's radar but I appreciate the gifts that were given to me and try to share them to make my world a better place.  Bad things happen to me all the time but I choose not to dwell in them.  

What's the point of surviving if all you'll ever be is miserable?



My world is a better place, by the way.   Better because my interactions with others are based on an honest desire to make their experiences more positive.  It's sincere, it's contagious and hey if I may be so self-indulgent, it makes my life a lot easier.  

You can't see the sunrise if you're running in the opposite direction.  

And no, I'm not a morning person but I've learned to love finding the light.

At work I often joke that I'm going to go out on the floor and "spread some sunshine."  It's sounds stupid but it's my actual intention.

Positive begets positive and I've seen it not just in myself but in others.  It's not just about making people feel good it's about creating an environment that encourages a positive perspective.



How we see the world and ourselves has a direct effect on the opportunities that open up to us.  



So when someone says...

 "I didn't do it because I was brave, I had another reason..."

I hear an irrelevant statement.  Without divulging any secrets I can tell you that regardless of the reason there's no denying the action was indeed brave regardless of the motivation behind it. 

They say actions speak louder than words and it's the action that matters.  Perspective frames it to either enrich us or steal our power.

Remember that the next time someone gives you a sincere compliment.  They're just trying to prime the positivity pump.

Let them.

 
 
 

  

I'm still positive....

Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

From The Rainy Day by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Longfellow takes you to the last verse before any glimmer of hope appears in Rainy Day.  Every verse prior paints a dreary scene.

But that last verse, Oh that last verse!  



The power in it, the power of the poem itself lies not in the soggy resignation to the hopeless but rather the impending emergence from it.

This goes to the core of positivity.  The realization that the world is always seen through your own perspective.  You choose whether the clouds obscure the sun.  You choose whether the rain brings life or drowns your soul.

The light always shines even if shrouded by your darkest hours.  Whether you choose to see it is a different matter.

Look to the skies on a clear night.  



What do you see? 

A thick black veil of nothingness or an intricate tapestry of a million shining jewels dancing in the heavens.

Your attitude is meaningless to the stars.  They exist in spite of your attention.  Their light is always there even if they aren't always easy to see.



So it is with positivity.   You control your perspective.  

Too often we're blind to the light when the darkness is too familiar.  We hope and dream of a better life but frame it in the perspective of what keeps us from it.



Mistrust, doubt, fear, uncertainty draw us into nothingness like a black hole devouring the light.  



But the light will not be denied.



A smile emerges from tears.  Hope from defeat.  Understanding from uncertainty.  Love displaces doubt.



So long as we're willing to give at least as much credence to the positive as we so easily give to its opposite we can find our light in the darkness.

 

 

 

Love and loss

Is it really better to have loved and lost or is ingorance truly bliss...

Just what about ripping your heart out and stomping on it in the middle of a mosh pit is beneficial?

Oh!  What lessons we've learned!  What wisdom we can partake!

Bull...

I vote ignorance...

Here's why.  If you're ignorant you don't know any better and you go on blissfully unaware of the horrors of the world around you.  Your safe, little insular life prevents you from considering anything that could challenge those rose colored glasses.

All is grand.

There's something to be said for wisdom but to get it takes courage and a willingness to discover a world far scarier than our warm little cocoon could process.

You're happier if you're a coward in this instance.

Here's the difference between love lost and ignorance of it.

When love is lost what you're really losing is hope.  Along with it goes faith, civility and all those other niceties that come from living in modern society.

You mourn what could have been.  What dreams may have been realized with that special someone.

When love is never known all you lose is knowledge of the above.  

That's not such an awful thing.  The human condition pre-disposes us to seek out companionship but what if you do it wrong?

Again and again...

The only thing lost from having never loved is knowledge of the pain from screwing it up.

That "Courage" thing is best left to the Red Shirts on Star Trek.  They never seem to have much of a career path aside from keeping Kirk from an untimely end. Kind of like a one-sided relationship.

Over and Over again...

Wisdom in matters of love is often just an admission that you keep screwing up.  Worse, you remember it...ALL OF IT.  Every second of torturous uncertainty and pain.

I'll never understand why people like to place so much value in pain.  Pain is an annoyance.  If I get a blister on my finger it makes it hard for me to type a blog post.  Aside from fewer boring posts for the hapless reader who stumbles upon them, what possible value do I gain from the wisdom of blisters?

The worst case scenario comes when you mix ignorance and love.  That frequently leads to a thing called "unrequited love."  Which is just another word for "dumbass."  The actual meaning is one that loves without getting love in return.  That anyone would tolerate such a thing to me makes them excellent candidates for the anti-waterboarding detail.  If you can put up with that no amount of dripping will break you.

Perhaps that should be a new recruitment criteria for the military!

Anyone that would willingly inflict that much pain on themselves must enjoy it.

I've enjoyed it, if you can call it that.  No wait, I didn't enjoy it at all...
 I didn't intend to but either my own rose colored glasses got involved or I was led down a path.  Admittedly of my own creation.

That's another lesson.  If you're going to screw up, don't blame anyone but yourself.  You saw the signs and blissfully ignored them. 

Idiot..

I think I'm done with paths, glasses and walking for now.  It gets my shoes dirty and doesn't lead anywhere beneficial in which case the real loss is time.  Something we have so very little of.

I'm not anti-romance, just anti-stupid.

Aint love grand...